Diary of a Black Man #10

Dear Diary,

Today was melancholy, yet I’m feeling more and more empowered daily. I’m claiming my abilities and diving into my greatness. It is freeing, so I’m shedding things and ideologies that no longer fit. The rain finds me reflecting, listening to podcast and reading to find inspiration. Laughing to soften myself. Although today is calm it is a bit murky and the dirty is getting muddy. In that mud I have to clean up some of the mess accrued and set boundaries.

It is actually relaxing to understand that my pain, darkest insecurities, and fears are readily available. I stare them in the face realizing that they only haunt me because I do not confront and stare them down. They only control me because I don’t resume control of my own self and ability. Unwilling to believe in myself even after the reaping of my rewards.

It is not by coincidence, I’ve subconsciously been affirming myself and suddenly my gravitational pull has attracted such a different spectrum of opportunity, abilities, and confidence. The rain used to be such a drag to me but today it felt erotic, sensual, deep, and passionate. I know it would have been better suited with a partner but currently my focus is self-discovery and transformation. I’m attacking myself in a constructive way. I feel reassured.

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