Womanhood – Nina T.

Nina, 24 born and raised in Kansas City,MO.  Aries/Scorpio/Capricorn (sun/rising/moon), vegan.

favorite stone?

why do you make me choose?  In terms of purpose, Black Tourmaline.  It protects your energy and repels negative energies that intend to compromise your energy/aura.  In terms of looks, definitely Pyrite.  I love gold and anything glittery and its both.

Most difficult chakra to keep balanced?

seeing as how I’m still healing mine (currently at the heart chakra), it might have to say Sacral or Third Eye.  Sacral governs sexuality, creativity, and emotions which I’m sure a LOT of people struggle with expressing one or all three of them in a way that’s acceptable.

What does feminine energy look like to you?

I can only speak for myself, but I like to think that my feminine energy looks like  forest of Sakura trees that just bloomed in April.

Creatively where do you draw inspiration from?

I just take in anything that I like, see, hear, experience and see where I can apply it to my life to enhance it.

How do you give Nina to the world to enlighten and bring service to it?

I put forth my best effort in what I do for work, how I treat my friends/significant other, and how I treat myself.  I love seeing the fruits of my labor so why not go hard at being a good person?

What keeps you balanced in a world that is in constant flux?

The universe waits for no one.  Change is constant so adaptation is K E Y. If something changes drastically, I don’t bitch about the inconvenience (well okay maybe a little), I see where I can make a change and adjust accordingly.  If I feel like im overwhelmed, I take a break, look at what im doing, evaluate for changes, meditate, find that clarity and boom.  Balance.

Are you into any specific religion or spiritual practice?

Born and baptized into Catholicism until I woke up.  No shade to anyone that practices an organized faith, if it makes you happy and works for your life then may it bless you forever.  I have no religious affiliation, I believe in the universe and what it can do for me if I treat it and myself well.

If so, how does it bring out the best in your life? If not what helps to empower and bring out the best in you?

Finding Spirit and realizing that I have nearly complete control over how my life is and where it goes has given me SO MUCH POWER.  I’ve been able to turn my life around much more effectively and I am reaping every single benefit of doing so.  I encourage everyone to find out what keeps them going, no matter the source (as long as its positive!)

One woman figure who has helped to provide you with guidance in your life?

My dear Aunt Ducie (RIP).  She’s the only woman that ever loved me unconditionally, never told me anything wrong, took care of me, stood up and advocated for me, taught me how to cook, clean, love myself, be happy, be independent, love my blackness, all of that.  I think about her almost everyday and how much influence she’s had on my life.

When you see yourself now as a woman, is this who you imagined you’d be at a young age?

No, because I didn’t think I would be alive by now. A lot of abuse via many forms rendered me severely mentally ill and suicidal.  I thought it was the end for me a long time ago.  I will say that I’m glad I learned all the lessons about self-love, confidence, etc. before I hit 25.  I’m finally happy and it shows.

Love is a foreign concept in today’s world for some. how do you give yourself love?

Three words: PUT YOURSELF FIRST.  Fuck all that other shit.  If you’re not good for yourself, you can’t be good for anyone or anything else, not even the deity or deities you pray to.  I come second to no one in my life and it’s the most selfish and selfless thing ever.  There are people in the world that rely on me and if I don’t half ass anything.  If I’m not in a position to help, I won’t but I let that be known.  Give me some time to recuperate, get through my own shit, then I can extend the energy to lend a hand. 

Favorite Song Currently –

Mo Bamba x Sheck Wes (BITCH!), Marie Curie x Pierre Bourne (yes, the producer), New Patek by Uzi and Need U by Fxxxxy and Gunna.  Honorable mention: literally anything Gunna is on. Fun fact, as I typed this out, I went to play Marie Curie…now its’s on repeat.  Now I look like a hyperactive kindergartener in my chair at work. Oh, and free Tay-K.

How would you best define being a woman in today’s society?

Today’s woman has to be empowering, positive, uplifting, strong in every sense of the word, a go-getter.

What do sexuality and womanhood mean to you?

EVERYTHING. I’ve come to terms that I am a highly sexual being and I let that translate into my womanhood.  I’m not ashamed to be sexual, in fact, embracing my sexuality has been vital to my healing form sexual abuse.  I do however, know when and where to express that.  I carry my womanhood every day, being strong, making sure that I love myself unconditionally, that I treat myself with respect and I don’t allow people to compromise that.

What ways do you embrace being a woman?

You know, I don’t know if I ever really acknowledged the ways in which I embrace it because it’s so natural

When was the first time you remember feeling being a woman was a responsibility?

When I got my first period, when I found out I was underpaid at work, when I realized how much women have to stick together in order to get shit done.  I didn’t ask to be female (glad as fuck that I am, no shade to the men, I love and need yall like yall love and need us) but I am and I have to deal or learn how to maneuver through or avoid the fuck shit that comes with it.

 

How or in what ways does your womanhood shine a light on the world?

I just hope that I’m doing myself and the world a favor by being a good person.  People are watching you whether you know it or not.  Stay consistent, you may inspire someone to change the world.

In what ways can men show appreciation and respect for you as a woman?

Respect: understanding that they are not in control of my happiness or worth.  I cannot be bribed, bought, sold, lied to, manipulated and any nigga that tries it will pay in a way they will never see coming.  Accept me for me as I grow and change through this journey we call life. Respecting me also means respecting yourself.  I peep how people talk about themselves and that alone can tell you a lot about their character. I don’t let my friends or loved ones engage in negative self-talk.

Appreciation: my love language is words of affirmation (and I think quality time).  I’m not into the material shit but a gift here and there is nice, even if it’s like card with a pack of Oreos. I’m going to appreciate it A LOT.  Just be thoughtful, share your love and your time, I’m good.

The first woman who reaffirmed you and of your own powers?

My sister, Phoenyx (heyyyy Phe!). She introduced me to Sprituality, gave me the fundamentals and told me to go out in the world and reclaim what’s mine.  Hope I haven’t disappointed her.

As society stands now we are shifting spiritually, how do you stay grounded while attempting to ascend upward?

Minding my own business, making sure no one applies a veil over my face. I constantly evaluate the things and people in my life and I never hesitate to release things that no longer serve me.

Change is inevitable, in the near future what changes are you seeking?

Salary increase, going back to school for more degrees, more weight loss, stronger mental health, falling in love, I’m about to FINALLY leave the nest and I could almost cry cause I’ve been ready to be out on my own, just didn’t have the resources.

If you could sit down with someone dead(preferably a woman) and spend a week just talking to them, who would that be and why?

Probably Maya Angelou.  Just imagining the wisdom she would impart on me is enough to make me cry.

How in tune with your feminine energy are you? –

We’re still working on it because I often forget I also have masculine energy and I need to make sure they’re balanced.

What reminds you of your woman powers? –

every time I’m blessed with something  I manifested in a meditation or ritual.  It works every time without fail (when done correctly) and I’m left super satisfied. Not even the power of a woman, that’s in every human being on this planet. Just takes specific steps to get there.

What expressions do you believe a woman should express more?

Positive emotional and sexual expression. Be more aggressive in obtaining what you want for yourself (this isn’t me saying we’re weak, but sometimes not taken seriously), master knowing your worth and letting people know how much that is without even uttering a word.

For women feeling sexy is important, what makes you feel sexy or when do you feel sexiest?

Doing my makeup, making sure my hair looks good. I never miss an opportunity to look in the mirror naked, I take nudes just for the fuck of it, not even sending them out. I just look fire sometimes and be like “daaaaaamn neen you are FINE as hellllllll” I gas myself up even on a bad day. When I’m in a slump, I let myself stay there for a minute, then get up and change my hair or throw on a wig and like clockwork, I’m back.

Mentally women are advanced what mental games or avenues do you use to strengthen your mind?

meditation, mediation, meditation. I call bullshit on all of yall that say “it’s hard, meditation never works.” YOU LACK DISCIPLINE AND MEDITATION WILL HELP YOU STRENGTHEN THAT. I used to do this same shit until I sat down and realized it’s as easy as just counting your breaths.  I recommend beginners use guided mediation apps like Headspace to help em get started.  When I meditate, I thank Spirit, talk about what I want to manifest, what issues I need to let go, say some affirmations, and breathe.

In honor of women’s appreciation, what words would you say women could hear more often.

YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE SHIT AND CAN’T NOBODY TELL YOU SHIT ABOUT YOU. CREATE YOUR OWN LANE AND STAY THERE. HELP YOUR FELLOW SISTER AND BROTHER. TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST AND ALWAYS.

When did your womanhood get in the way of who you wanted to be?

My womanhood never did, it was my mental issues that stopped me from learning about womanhood and what it means to me.

What was the greatest change you’ve made recently?

Lost 60lbs and counting is probably the biggest change so far.

Favorite part of yourself? (Physical, mental, emotional, musically, taste in clothes)

Physical: ass (no joke, I’m still in love with this massive thing)

Mental: my ability to view something objectively.  Prevents me from dedicating energy to something that doesn’t deserve it.

Emotional: I’M THE LIVING DEFINITION OF RESILIENCY

Musically: I love that I’m versatile enough to enjoy music I may have never thought I’d listen to.  From trap (the likes of Young Nudy) to alternative(hey Coldplay) and anything in between, if it sounds good then I’m on it.

Clothes:

BAYBEEEEEEEH I hate clothes so much.  I hate shopping because I never find shit I like.  I hate print or anything loud which is virtually everything at F21. Fashion Nova and PLT needs to hurry and build chains in malls around the country. Catch me a lot of black, olive green, rose gold, burnt orange, grey, or pink.

Society is changing do you believe it is becoming more open for Black women to succeed?

Yes, because we made it that way. Again, WE MADE IT THAT WAY. I love seeing a black woman succeed in her endeavors because I know she worked damned hard, probably cursed a lot of people out, felt discouraged at one point and cried many nights making sure no one stopped her bag for that dream.

When you reflect on yourself and your journey, are you making your 7 y/o self-proud?

I better be.  She went through a lot during that age and for damn near two decades after that.  I want her to know that she doesn’t have to carry all the pain she experienced back then, or ever. She’s protected and will never be hurt again as long as she believes in herself, her worth and her power.

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