I chose a letter not because facing you was too difficult but I wanted you to feel my words through my actions. So I wrote every single one that came to mind and felt every one that came to heart. I rather sit and think of the ways to express to you your importance in my life.
I remember seeing you smile, and I pray this letter brings it to the surface. You seldom do it genuinely these days, I love your laugh it is innocent, it is Sunday mornings, Saturday nights, booty rubs, great movies, rolled blunts, a playlist of joy and sex, spiked punch, home videos and late night cuddles. I am unsure if you will read my letter it has been quite some time since we spoke. Yes, you have changed I am sure but it seems you lost yourself but maybe I never understood who you were to become.
I think of you more than I should but maybe it is just enough. It is interesting to know someone for who they used to be and wonder what parts remain. Have you shed the very things I fell in love with and would the new you be as enchanting. It took time I must admit at first you were not what you are now. Yes, now in the present. I mean at this very moment. I should have opened up and held this dialogue sooner but better late than never, yet who knows if you will ever read this letter.
Taking my time to thoughtfully express myself helps me to connect and truly love deeply, objectively, most importantly unconditionally. I reminisce and other times I resent our encounters as they merely confused me. It left me baffled and brought me so much discontent that I fought feelings, happiness, joy, relaxation, and purpose.
Are you my mirror, the image I must see of myself to become the image I’ve destined to become. Are we ascending or am I merely self-centered and basking in flesh desires. Did I share with you or was I selfish and difficult to comprehend? Emotionally Vague, deeply shallow, or merely naive to my own insecurities.
How did I allow you to drift from me as you were obviously quite the goal I was seeking in front of my very pupils. I am not sure I love you properly or even am grateful enough for who and where we could now be.
I wish you could see how beautiful you are to me…
-These are just a few words I wish I would have said