Diary of A Black Man #5

Dear Diary,

I’m fatigued and drained I understand I am currently lost but why do I feel so assured. Why am I so calm? Is my life an illusion which allows me to exude bliss or is it an utter storm with which I find refuge in the eye?

Shit if I know but more so than ever I want to explore and travel and laugh and experience. Not remain confined. I want to climb mountains, soar over oceans, relax under beautiful sunrises and sunsets. I am seeking inspiration, a zest, a zeal, something grandiose.

The kind of amazement that allows me to extract it from every fiber in my being. Shit if we being honest. It’s me, if I look in the mirror it is I. The thing I search for to love so deeply. It is myself that I am searching for. The space in which I am in direct opposition with.

Fuck that, fuck the expectation, forget the noise. I understand that I am the one. Something like a prophet more like an Oracle. Sadly I knew this in my soul, I gave it away to easily. I shared it to much. Today I looked at myself like my soul is pure and fierce. Suddenly the coy demeanor turned into this flavor.

You know the one that smells delicious and taste savory. Like you eat slow just to make sure you not missing a thing. Yeah that’s you, fuck was you worried for panting and panicking instead of removing who people told you YOU were AND being exactly who you are. Is that scary to be yourself…

If so suck that shit up…

Because you are definitely sculpting at work…

A block put upon you to be removed and utilized all in one.

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