An open letter to you, and you. An open letter to myself. I think any man who’s ever had me in any romantic capacity would laugh at the notion that any words had been left unsaid. Before I walk away from anything in life I ensure that I’ve done and said everything I could to fight for it. But… not you. Who raised you not to fight for something you claim to cherish? It is a cultural difference here, or do men simply not understand courage. Let me take that back. I know courageous men. I know men who stand firm and work hard day in & day out to protect their marriages, to learn and to love their families. I’m Disappointed that you took too long, disappointed that you came back after the fact. You shouldn’t have to lose me in order to realize you wish you had never lost me. I’m grateful. Grateful that you taught me that what God has in store for me will come with conviction and clarity, not confusion and commotion. Grateful that after either of my two relationships I got the opportunity to rediscover myself, because I always lose HER. I become so engulfed in the idea of serving a higher purpose in someone else’s life I forget the most important role that I can play is to serve HIM and I can’t serve God if I’m not capable of loving myself enough to protect my peace and my PURPOSE. I’m sorry it took me so long to finally choose myself. Polar opposites, my two relationships, but both gave me insight into who I am and what I will look for in a spouse one day. I am forever grateful for who you’ve allowed me to become by moving forward in forgiveness. I’m still learning. Still healing, I don’t know that either process ever ends. Sometimes the insecurities still jab at me like a sharp cramp I didn’t feel coming, but most days, when I look in the mirror I am content, pleased, happy with what I see and who I am. God makes no mistakes & when he assigned me this heart he knew exactly what and who it would be used for, and in that I am confident.

Submission- Alyssa Kai