As I sip and soak, my body shivers not from chills but due to the agitation my soul and patience my mind and body are currently undergoing. God has not failed so my assurance in the work is one of an unwavered faith. Identifying this chill as one of change, one that has had me test the depths of myself to find love in & all around me whilst I water, cultivate, nourish, and grow it. Before, I had been greedy, self serving, and prideful. Believing that I was the only gift God blessed this world with as if my presence was not to be matched. Wild thoughts I know, it was downright narcissistic at times and on its calmest days quietly arrogant. Not giving the glory of my ability to prepare and be who I am due to God’s Grace & Mercy.
Humility has found that in my heart and soul, answers are tucked away and God’s blessings are never out of reach. Ascension, Elevation, and all the other fancy synonyms for doing better can’t really define this alignment. For years I’ve studied spiritual practices. Religion, chakras, tantra, Taoism, Buddhism, Astrology, Crystals, and many esoteric forms of therapy. Yet at the distinct root it was calling for me to find my eye in the storm, my patience, my calm.
Speaking gently to those that I previously viewed as a threat has unlocked far more than my brash and brawny approach of past. My smile has found its authenticity, and graciously enough my heart has lightened. Not seeking to please the outward expectations but listening to the Godly voice deeply tucked underneath all the noise of life.
My test have shown me that much is out of my control and even more so my voice can speak truth and it not be accepted. My thoughts to enlighten the world is simply constant conversation to myself of my own value and self esteem. No amount of settling, no degree of accomplishment, or drip of sweat can exemplify it, if internally it is lost. My accolades although worldly, are mere place holders where one day they will be rewritten in another’s name. My possession and grasp of someone is not only a futile belief but one of egotistical deceit. I can not hold or be held hostage. I have to love and live. Bless and be blessed. Give and be given the joy of that gesture. Otherwise, my actions are in vain.
I pray that I am not ahead of myself and am merely walking the path God has designed for myself. Yet, in any stature I do believe that I’m truly tapping into the vessel of my purpose something that I before had not even acknowledged I lacked. I identify my weakness and turn them swiftly into my place of study, healing, and practice. Consistently challenging an unknown opponent.
You ever study, take a test, then as you turned it in felt like you missed nothing. Then when it was returned to you, even if you didn’t get a perfect score you ACED it.
Today felt sort of like that!
A quiet accomplishment and a humble happiness!
Thank You God!