Dear Diary,

It’s been a while since I’ve come to you. Today I’m finding an eternal balance with my beliefs vs. my ego vs. expectation vs. my standards. Somehow they align ever so often and most of the time can’t seem to agree like when I ask my woman what she wants to eat. I am picking up a few habits but I won’t jinx them as for now it’s in the slow process of moving along and understanding how to maneuver. I like challenges, I really do Yet somewhere I stopped and I for the life of me have no fucking clue as to why. I was psycho analyzed and it blew my mind yet it was relieving. Plenty of times I’m the sounding board for others and while taking in others trauma I battle with my own. In need of expression I tend to fall into deep repressive patterns where I self implode. Nobody knows though it’s a tale of pride and self deprecation which ultimately I think stands in my way. I hide it well, like I’m loyal to my own agony. I’m more times than not my greatest obstacle and it manifests in my material world. I’m seeking a feeling something that’s just right and I can say up until this point I haven’t. I haven’t found home, I haven’t found refuge. I’ve found my vast array of possibilities and it continues to grow daily. So, the uneasiness in myself is the guiding light telling me to continue searching and eventually it will all be revealed. In the meantime, I’ll enjoy it all.