Diary of A Black Man #64

Dear Diary,

I find myself needing solace and solitude.

Contradicting it may sound but I don’t see it as such.

Yet sometimes it’s how I find comfort in my own presence and loneliness among-st others.

I understand that they’ll never understand me(word to Rick Ross)

Peace comes at times of discouragement and disappointing outcomes, merely conditioned by the expectation and experience of that.

I’m wiping that slate clean through mental and heart methods. Nobody should expect dissatisfaction, loss, and not be balanced in some forms of joy or successes.

So,

I’m slowly finding salvation in community. I’ve attended group meditation and bible study over the past almost 2 years.

Though once a week and sometimes not even that it has mended my doubts of the outside world.

Not by much but substantially compared to where I once stood with society.

Maybe my awareness is better, my naivete has worn off, or I’m losing the child like innocent acceptance I once held sometimes foolishly.

These are becoming therapy sessions, writing like that and reflecting helps me unravel so much.

So as you can see, I thoroughly am enjoying ME which has never really been a problem, it’s just these days it’s far more productive, therapeutic, and revealing.

It felt like kicking a bad habit…

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