I turned 27, it was somber, it was silent and nothing was in my presence.
Simply myself, simply me holding the light above not only my accomplishments but my grief, disappointments, fears, lies, and illusions.
I first confronted my fear, not something deathly like snakes or heights but of failure.
It is something my mind and I let myself ponder over endlessly on how my expectation of situations which I can not control have engulfed me. I find myself with lofty expectations and average is not something I particularly enjoy to be apart of. I’m an All or Nothing person. I feared what if my life had no meaning, my steps no purpose, my voice no message. I allowed those very fears to keep me in bondage. So I dropped them at my feet and walked forward.
MY ROOT Chakra quickly unlocked.
Second I dealt with my SACRAL which deals with pleasure, sexuality, creativity so the antagonist is guilt.
Guilt for my sensual ways, for my desire to touch feel, connect, merge, grow, evolve, forgive. Guilt which left me wondering was my touch a curse, my kiss an omen, my senses betraying me. I guilted myself for not being who I truly desired to be. I guilted myself for all failed relationships. I chastised myself until my skin was no longer full but tattered and torn. I then found joy in my encounters as I desired the highest encounters for myself and those with whom I’ve found pleasure with over my years. Not limited to sexuality but to jovial and platonic encounters. I saw that my path was unique and varied and I valued the ability to deal with and concentrate my energy.
My Sacral Chakra abruptly unhinged and off to my Solar Plexus. Emotional baggage my gut feeling and self-trust blocked by grief.
How can I possibly trust another and I do not fully trust my own judgment, so from lessons learned in my prior two chakras. I trusted my path that all is a lesson and it helps to be foolish to gain wisdom and to be naive to evolve it is the law of elevation. I consulted what must I embark on and what am I looking to powerfully manifest in my energy. I felt shame by not meeting my goals(yet), by falling victim to my own ego, to being less than presentable to my standards not able to splurge, spend, travel as I saw fit.
I acknowledged being let down by my father, my reluctance to making lasting male acquaintances as most seem to be manipulative at best and downright bitches at the minimum, I acknowledged my masculinity and how I view life and pondered whether my goals set prior were made from falsehoods of expectations I did not value. I acknowledged how hard I worked at everything, I’ve held near and dear to this point. Of course, the wild flame that my sun sign of ARIES dictates has left nothing but the residue of soot, destruction, and loss. So my expectations sometimes met but not dressed in the ways I predicted the situation to look into my eyes. So I closed them and felt the feelings of success and willpower.
Quietly but surely my SOLAR PLEXUS became another obstacle now conquered.
The Center of ALL 7 The Heart Chakra a place meant for love but can be overrun by jealousy and pain.
To be continued….