The cross of manhood is one of submission:
The moment my cross came to me was difficult. As David was not prepared to slay the Giant Goliath. What he had was preparation enough. He submitted his notion that it was impossible and accepted the entire villages problem.
As pretense to the thought and wave pattern im in tonight. This episode is brought to you by PTSD and Courage.
Trusting fear is something I’m faced with daily and some times my pride made me feel I was docile or meek and sometimes I honestly was. Other times my pride didn’t allow me to be my very best. I have been dishonest with myself. Yet the one thing I realized is the true severity of instances. So although I was risk ready I always had a mature caution on the limit I’d extend. I placed my ceiling so low I never made it out my own basement. Now as an adult my apprehensions have become one of habit. I battle with my own actions like I’m tussling with myself. So these days I move forward and now I seem to treat obstacles with a smirk and mental fuck you. Yet sometimes my emotions and inner voice cries for a long boisterous roar or a grand gesture to show the world I’ve won. Yet results speak louder than words. It’s ok to be loud but I care more to be received than just seen as a loud gesture. I needed to shed the experience and expectations. I’m currently fasting. It’s Ramadan and I’m observing because somewhere along the way I wanted to find my own place and identity.
I falter and still look to challenge my own self awareness and esteem.
So now I want to Carry my cross it is mine to bear and I’ll dump off all unnecessary baggage.
Fasting is a form of detox and release. It’s a deliberate action intended to provide inactivity of problems.
So although there are many around me it is necessary I work on my best me. That day is daily.
My cross to bear….
How you face it.
You address it.