Torn Pages #5

Addiction and Depression are very real and very cunning.

My first stint with my depression seemed to be a never ending woe. I mean a constant feeling of isolation, unacceptable behavior, and a continuous circle of settling for less. This then brings me to the world and how my past haunts my future greatness.

Like I’m stumbling over failed circumstances, lost acquaintances, and empty promises. Self Sabotage is playing line leader to stress, validation seeking, and actions that harm. Oh let’s not forget the daily serving of anxiety, guilt, and shame.

Self Judgement is the only thing that can save me.

But I was subconsciously taught that as a black man, even the innocent acts can result in destruction. So if I flip the coin properly it always lands GUILTY.

So now my mental is treating myself with the self respect society polarized in my image as I don’t seem to quite fit this norm. So my radical ways leave me as a lonely wander searching for balance.

Life still goes on….

Yes that was a brief intermission that you must decide and do so with haste as no time is available past this moment which if you waste could turn into you running yourself in circles deciding what way is up when the next turn is in 7.9 miles heading southwest at 45mph.

Oh hello ADHD nice to see you old friend. I mean focus is such a tough task already why not add more onto my plate.

So as clarity comes along….

I question what exactly am I addicted to and what has me truly feeling defeated.

Saddest part is most times it’s just me myself and I

Trying to figure out where I went wrong.

Or plot twist

What I’ve learned and what is to come.

To Be Continued…

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